The Absurdity of Parenting in Modern Society: Our Son’s Plethora of Contraptions

My husband and I encountered a modern day parenting conundrum: our three bedroom condo is too small for our five month old’s stuff. Our son currently has three moving devices, three activity centers, a playard, a crib, and a bunch of smaller items I’ll abstain from mentioning. Are my husband and I insane? Possibly. In our defense this appears to be the recent trend in parenting: possessing a mass of stuff. I’m outing myself but I’m not alone. If you need evidence simply peruse a baby registry site and take a look at all the crap that’s available: mitten attachments for your stroller (in case you can’t just put on mittens), four hundred varieties of pacifiers, an iPotty, an mp3 player for your child in utero… need I continue? From an outside perspective this all seems completely absurd. As a parent, I have recurring nightmares of enduring a blackout upon which his devices would be out of commission, subsequently jeopardizing our sleep/sanity.

Sleeping Devices

Upper Left: $800 crib (current use: a convenient place to fold his laundry)

Upper Right: 4moms mamaRoo (purpose: nighttime sleeping-this show stopper is equipped with a primo sound machine)

Bottom Left: Fisher-Price My Little Snugapuppy Cradle’n Swing (purpose: daytime entertainment- typically provides an hour of serenity until he’s over it for the day)

Bottom Right: Fisher-Price Safari Dreams Rock’n Play (purpose: daytime sleeping-heaven forbid he sleeps in the same thing day & night, a crib perhaps?)

Activity Centers

Upper Left: SKIP*Hop Alphabet Zoo Activity Gym (seems archaic compared to its loud, bright, moving counterparts)

Upper Right: Fisher-Price Jumperoo-Rainforest Friends (its lights & sounds alone are enough to prime a child for lifelong ADHD)

Bottom Left: 4moms Breeze Playard (future proofing myself for when he’s mobile & I need a confined space)

Bottom Right: Fisher-Price Kick & Play Piano Gym (you’ll become so accustomed to the music you’ll hear it long after it’s turned off)

Keep in mind these items from Nate’s collection aren’t exhaustive: not included are “necessities” such as a stroller, high chair, baby bathtub, etc. On various occasions older generations make snide remarks such as “how did I survive raising four kids without any of this stuff??” To which I reply, “I have no idea!!”

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